Struggles and Challenges experienced by Mental Health Victims after first Diagnosis with a Mental Health Condition like Bipolar I Disorder

 

    I can clearly recall that before I departed from the psychiatric ward, my skin was clear and unmarked by any ink for a tattoo. However, while trying to change the surrounding environmental perception of a psychotic catastrophe I had experienced, I found myself doing face tattoos that I didn't even know their meanings. To me, they were tributes to my past experience with the unprecedented traumatic condition that I couldn't even explain how it occurred. The action was primarily influenced by impulsivity, which is always a hallmark of Bipolar I Disorder, as I could identify after looking up my condition on several websites. The whole point of the face tattoos was to act as tributes to my past experience and create something incredibly distinctive that would easily divert the attention of my circle and close families from the mental health catastrophe I had just endured. Since the level of understanding and comprehension of mental health matters within my environment was shallow, many people who heard and witnessed my condition thought it was some form of bad spirit. This made the stigma even more potent, so I had to find the best way to shift people's focus.  

    Having grown up in the remote settings of the country, I was pretty ignorant of what different face tattoos represented and how society portrayed them. In my view, the fears of the unknown and the lack of a sense of invincibility among people were why people did not prefer face tattoos. Much to it, I did not have many people getting close to me to lend me some listening ears where I could vent my sorrows and openly discuss my internal conflicts. This made it hard to consult further upon decisions that I had made, and so I developed the habit of acting instantly on ideas that raced along. As long as they appeared to have the capacity to solve my internal problems in any way, I approved them without much ado. Little did I know that this was complicating my mental health in the most significant way. The situation became more traumatizing when someone explained the tattoos' meaning according to societal perceptions. This worsened the experience as I developed fear and guilt of what people would take me for. As someone who had always held clean records morally, I thought society would think that I had actually called for my tragedy and no one would ever feel sorry for me. My daily life routine also shifted radically since I depended on my second-hand cloth-selling business in the open-air markets within the University where I had graduated. The stigma had grown massively, and my condition was becoming more pathetic. I struggled to withstand the on-lookers every place I stepped, and I wondered why my actions were not solving the problem. To make matters worse, the story of my ordeal was shared on social media by some close allies who didn't know the ramifications they would later put on my daily life, so almost everyone who knew me already had the other version of my life with the psychotic episode that I was constantly trying to break.

    On my forehead I had, two crosses, three teardrops on my left eye-side, and a musical sign tattoo on my neck. Since I had always had a spotless record of morals since I was a child, I did not anticipate what would happen to me during the manic episode; therefore, the teardrops were me screaming out my past actions. My speeches and how I treated my friends who attempted to get close were entirely against my principles, even though they were not illegal.
Therefore, the tears represent my regret for the world and my family, who believed in me. I cried to show the people around me how sorry I was for what had happened. I was utterly venting out to the world to request the higher power to rekindle His providence on me. This is because I was unaware of the events that caused the psychotic peak until weeks following the experience when I began searching online after a clue from my hospital record that did not expressly mention it. The two crosses stood for my relationship with God because I firmly thought that only God's strength and providence could have brought my healing. I know this because I have not taken any medication since then, and I rely entirely on the internet to keep me sane, so I freely share my experiences. And the music symbol around my neck represented my love of music, particularly gospel and comforting tunes, which have become my only companions since I lost practically everything and only left with a few friends who at least understood the unprecedented psychotic episode I underwent.  
   

    My struggles with the condition did not stop after the experience with tattoos; however, I found some inner peace with the conviction that I had shown sorrow for my past. The only problem was the prevailing perception of society, which has been almost impossible to change through talk. I have since maintained healthy lifestyle habits to ensure that I do not experience a relapse, as I have not been able to get any medication for my condition. Also, since my financially crippled mother cannot send me to a mental health facility, I have been engrossed with the internet for self-diagnosis and therapy. This is also because the hospital report did not mention what caused the issue and just suggested that it might have been a mental health issue close to Bipolar I Disorder. In addition, a more significant portion of modern society does not grasp the concept of mental health and does not always consider conditions other than physical disorders. This made them cut out the work to my mother, brother, and a few college friends since the community and other family members labeled it a "curse" or "witchcraft." Being a positive person, I maintained my faith in my ability to overcome my illness because I firmly believe that the most robust and most powerful person is the one who overcomes himself. I have always attempted to avoid anything that might trigger the condition, focusing primarily on activities that keep me sane and clear-headed.

    Nevertheless, I still have one significant accomplishment to make after learning what they meant to the society, although not to me. I decided to undergo laser surgery to remove the tattoos because I care a lot about what people think and believe about me. I hope it happens sooner because I have had trouble getting job placements as I am thought of negatively by people who are not in my shoes and do not know anything about my story. So I have to constantly explain to them about my past, which keeps taking me back to it, although I don't like it. It is challenging to change superficial judgment because it is so prevalent worldwide. Since I do not have a career, I have occasionally struggled with money issues, but I have high hopes for future improvement and advancement. My only request to everybody who has read this story is to refrain from making hasty judgments because people are more complex than they may appear. By sharing firsthand accounts of lived experiences through speeches, essays, and images, I hope to establish an international network of peer support. I humbly implore anyone who reads this to share, comment, and repost it to reach as many people as possible and reassure them that they are not alone. Let us take a stand and eliminate the stigma associated with various mental health issues in our culture.

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